Not that while ago I stumbled upon two interesting videos about a topic I knew but wasn’t too educated about: asexuality (the videos are respectively this one and this one). Intrigued by these videos, and willing to know more about asexuality, I began looking for more information, articles and all the things that could give me more knowledge about this specific sexual orientation.
And this, I think, should be our starting point.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation and, according to this research from 2004, 1% of the human population has absolutely no interest in sex and defines as being asexual. By the end of this article, I found myself thinking: ‘wow how many people are asexual but do not know it yet?’, and also: ‘How many asexuals live their lives without being able to fully express their true inner selves?’
All these questions popped into my head because, if there’s one thing our society –both consciously and unconsciously- talks about every single time, it’s sex. From TV commercials to small talks with our friends, everything in life revolves around sex.
Therefore I cannot help but wondering: how does a person who is not interested in sex at all feels, in a world where sex is society’s biggest concern?
Our society takes in fact for granted that every single human being is going to feel, sooner or later, sexual attraction towards other human beings, whichever their gender or sexual identity are. We usually never doubt someone might not be sexually attracted towards other people, nor that (s)he could be happy with it. If there’s in fact one thing asexuals are happy about, it is indeed living their lives without feeling sexually attracted towards other people. And no, that doesn’t mean they have any type of mental illness.
Ascertained that asexuality is a sexual orientation, even more questions popped into my head: ‘what about love? If people can have sex without being in love, can asexual not have sex but fall in love? If so, is there anything wrong with me using the word ‘can’?’
Willing and thrilled to know more about asexuality, I finally opted for directly contacting a friend of mine who is, among other things, asexual.
What happened next were some questions, some good answers and a lot of interesting information about this rarely known sexual orientation.
1) Hello Alice! First things first: thank you so much for your time. Let’s start off with the basics: would you like to introduce yourself?
Hi! My name is Alice, I am almost 32 years old and I was born and raised in Milan, Italy. My parents are fully Milanese. I am a photographer and I also deal with photo-editing.
2) …and soooo, you are asexual. Ok. Let’s start off with the basics here as well. What is asexuality?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation, and it is therefore considered to be part of the human sexuality.
In a nutshell, an asexual person is someone who does not feel any type of sexual attraction whatsoever toward another person. It obviously doesn’t mean that asexuals can’t fall in love! After all, love has many facets, hasn’t it? And it’s also not just about sex/sexual attraction. If you can have sex without falling in love with the person you are having sex with, then you can also fall in love without having sex. To make it simple, we usually regard as falling in love without feeling sexually attracted toward another person as being ‘romantic’. We then add suffix according to the different cases, such as hetero-romantic, homo-romantic, bi-romantic and so on.
3) Does it mean that an asexual person can have a relationship?
Of course we can! A lot of asexuals have (even long-term, like anybody else) relationships.
3) What about you? When did you realize you were asexual? What was your first reaction?
I was 17 and quite lucky. After thinking (for years) that something was wrong with me -that I had some problems-, and after some researches, I felt relieved to find out I was not the only asexual in the world, that there were other people like me.
After coming out to myself, I took some years to fully understand myself better, and to explore asexuality.
When I came out to my family and friends I was totally terrified, but everything turned out to be fine.
4) What would you like to say to someone who has just realized (or is in the process of realizing) (s)he is asexual?
My first advice would be: take your time. Just be patience and do not rush into things.
Then, I would like to tell her/him that (s)he is not alone, and that there’s plenty of people willing to be supportive.
5) The asexual movement is gaining more visibility. How much do you think the internet has helped the asexual movement get its visibility?
The internet has been essential for the asexual community. Some physicians and other scientists did focus on sexuality decades ago, but their works were not meant to be divulged to third parties. As a consequence, those who were actually asexuals did not know how to label their orientation. Internet made it possible for us to meet each other (both in person and virtually) and create a community.
The biggest asexual online community is AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network), and is a place where anyone can learn about asexuality and share his/her experience. Here in Milan we have recently founded an Asexual group, at the local Lgbt center. You can reach us at: asessualita@arcigaymilano.org
