There’s a myth that surrounds women, a myth that embroils them: women who dress or behave suggestively, women who are playful or who act provocatively, women who flirt or openly discuss sex – they’re ‘asking for it’. It’s an insidious fable, and it needs to stop. No one should be able to blame rape on a short skirt. A short skirt can’t talk – a short skirt can’t say ‘yes’. Every woman has a right to freedom of expression. No woman deserves to be raped for it.
This powerful statement is part of an even more powerful Manifesto, which is in turn part of a project whose aim is to bust an extremely dangerous myth: it is women who are responsible for being raped, and that is because of what they are wearing or how they are behaving.
Behind the #ThisDoesntMeanYes project, that’s its name, there are 4 young women and a world-renowned photographer, whose name is PEROU. This initiative, backed by the Rape Crisis Centre in South London, saw almost two hundreds women striking a pose for PEROU’s camera, who carefully captured their true essence. All these 200 #ThisDoesntMeanYes images feature women wearing different clothes, from baggy hoodies to crop-tops, from dresses to tight trousers. These 200 hundred women are all different, yet united by a common cause: they are all shouting that what they might be wearing does not mean, by any means, yes. No skirt, plunging neckline nor smile can say yes on their behalf. And they are saying it out loud.
Not that while ago, while I was waiting for the bus to take me home, I spotted 2 young boys and 2 young girls chatting with each other. They were talking about this other girl, probably a classmate, who dressed herself ‘like a slut’ for a night out. Apparently, a random guy was interested in her and wanted to ask her out. He began dancing slowly behind her, trying to kiss her. She refused him. While telling this little story, all the 4 young friends agreed to the fact that if someone gets dressed like that (I still do not know what ‘like that’ meant to them), that person deserves to be touched and kissed against her will, because being dressed like that provokes men.
It was not the first time that such an awful sentence had come to my attention, but this time I got particularly surprised –and not in a good way- because they were extremely young. They must have been maximum 14 years old. All of them firmly believed in the ‘you were asking for it’ thing, especially the young girls.
While on the bus, I began thinking about all those acquaintances of mine, young and educated men and women, who think that ‘of course rape is a bad think but you know, please do not complain that much if a man thinks you want to have sex with him. I mean, look at what you are wearing!’ And That’s so wrong.
Once home, while I was relaxing and checking the latest news on facebook on the sofa, a (this time good) acquaintance of mine shared a hashtag. It was the ThisDoesntMeanYes Hashtag and it couldn’t have happened at a more appropriate time. I immediately looked for information on the internet, and quickly got to their website and e-mail address. I decided to ask them a few questions, and one of them kindly wrote me back. Here’s our brief exchange:
1) Hello, would you like to introduce yourselves?
We are Nathalie, Lydia, Abigail and Karlie. We’re all friends who work in Creative industries (Advertising, Illustration and Publishing) in London and are all under 28. 3 of us used to work together but we have all known each-other for under 2 years.
2) When and why did you start this campaign?
We came up with the idea about 10weeks ago after an incident in a nightclub where a man turned to a friend and told her she was ‘asking for it’ because of the way she was dressed. 3 out of 4 of us have friends who have been raped and/or sexually assaulted and we thought ‘we have to do something about this- people cannot be allowed to think consent comes from a piece of clothing’.
3) What was the most touching moment?
The most touching moment is when we were told that a woman who had been raped told us that our campaign has given her a reason to get dressed in the morning. That was so humbling. Words can’t describe what those stories mean to us. We have had hundreds of emails sent to us from all over the world from women who have been raped or assaulted who are saying ‘thank-you’ for what we’ve done for them. It’s so inspirationally to hear so many women’s stories and how they feel.
4) What would you like to say, to those who do not believe ‘rape culture’ is real?
Well ‘rape culture’ isn’t a thing- I don’t think there is a culture to rape- there is a culture to ‘blame’ and to blame the woman and that has to stop. The responsibility lies with the perpetrator of the crime- not the victim. If I stole a cake from a bakery, I wouldn’t be allowed to stand up in court and blame the baker for making the cake look so delicious- I would simply be told not to steal. We should be that matter-of-fact with rape and assault. Blame culture needs to stop.
5) What are your future goals?
Next week we are all going to be sitting down together to talk about what is next. We have so many ideas and we really want to continue the momentum and support we currently have. It’s an exciting time but this is not the end of this project- it’s only the beginning.
First things first: we all have to thank these women. What they are doing is hugely important for each of us, men included.
Then, for my part, I would like to dedicate this piece to all those people that have thought, even for just one second, that a woman should stop complaining for having been raped because she was asking for it. If someone commits a crime -and rape definitely is a crime and we all agree on that, don’t we?- the only one who is to blame is the perpetrator, not the victim.
Illustration by Costanza De Luca
