“The word ‘feminist’ tends to have a negative connotation: you hate men, you hate bras, you think that women should always be at the top, you don’t wear make up, you don’t shave, you’re constantly angry, you don’t have a sense of humour, you don’t use deodorant”.
When I say that I’m a feminist, many roll their eyes.
It’s not their fault.
Actually, a little bit it is, but not entirely.
It’s their fault because they are happy with what they hear and they don’t want to go any further.
But those who express themselves without actually knowing what they are talking about are the ones who should really be blamed.
It’s the fault of those men who think that women’s problems affect only women and therefore they should be the ones dealing with them (which is a bit as if I said look, that child is hungry but he can’t feed himself, I can help him because I have the skills… hey, wait a second, it’s the child who’s hungry, not me! Bye bye child!).
And it’s the fault of the women who think they are now owed something and therefore they feel like the roles have to be reversed, using all their power to take revenge or something.
Considering the most popular opinions are these, I’m not at all surprised that when I affirm that I’m a feminist, since I firmly believe that men and women should be equal, a lot of people either don’t believe me or they even laugh at me.
Fortunately, a women came along who gave an amazing speech and no one has had the courage to laugh every since.
This woman is Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a Nigerian author who in December 2012 spoke about feminism at TEDxEuston.
Her speech, titled We should all be feminist, became a book that I personally read all in one go while in the background, in my brain, Leonard Cohen and Jeff Buckley were singing the hallelujah.
They are the 41 pages the most meaningful I have ever read.
I really believe that it makes more sense for you to read them (or hear them, here), rather than for me to write a review.
To tempo you, however, I can briefly tell you a few stories you will find:
Chiamamanda will tell you about the time she got the highest grade, but she couldn’t become class president because “the class president has to be a boy”.
Of the time when they advised her not to call herself a “feminist” because feminists won’t find a husband or are unhappy.
Of the time when, after having tipped the valet, he proceeded to thank her companion, taking for granted that the money must have definitely been of the man.
Of the time when, walking by herself into a hotel in Nigeria, she had to prove to them that she wasn’t a prostitute.
The belief of her culture, which says that you can’t show that you’re angry because anger is threatening and it’s not suitable for a woman.
Chiamamanda believes that we are being unjust to men by teaching them not to show weakness.
The more we push them to believe in being tough, the more we are weakening them.
She states that we teach girls to be competitive not at work, but to attract men’s attention.
In other words, Chiamamanda is very clear, she’s not sparing anyone and above all, she is one of the few women who has been able to tackle this issue so well.
Hoping to have been able to tempt you a little bit, I sign off with this straightforward quote, which follows this great Nigerian woman’ style.
And happy reading everyone.
“Some people ask: “Why the word feminist? Why not just say you are a believer in human rights, or something like that?” Because that would be dishonest. Feminism is, of course, part of human rights in general – but to choose to use the vague expression human rights is to deny the specific and particular problem of gender. It would be a way of pretending that it was not women who have, for centuries, been excluded. It would be a way of denying that the problem of gender targets women. That the problem was not about being human, but specifically about being a female human. For centuries, the world divided human beings into two groups and then proceeded to exclude and oppress one group. It is only fair that the solution to the problem acknowledge that. […] My own definition is a feminist is a man or a woman who says, yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it, we must do better. All of us, women and men, must do better.”
