When I had the idea of writing an article on the so-called women “with balls” I thought I was going to regurgitate years of frustration caused by this expression which, let’s be completely honest here, is terrible. Instead I then realised that there is perhaps another way to voice my irritation without being angry at the whole world, even trying to understand the other’s point of view but still remaining very firm on my convictions.
Now let me try to explain everything.
Let’s start from the principle, namely the big question that – I know – has been bugging you: why saying that a woman “has balls” may be irritating (and very very very sexist)?
Well, first of all, using this expression means associating a male attribute to a woman. And so far we all agree. What is extremely sexist is the fact that to describe a positive trait of a woman one has to go back to a comparison with a man. Because it’s the man who naturally has the balls of course. So if you, woman, you’re one who fights and doesn’t give up, long story short, then you’re “like” a man, you are so strong that you can be compared to man.
I hope you now understand that this is not fait at all.
Second question: who is a woman “with balls”? Well, it could be a woman who despite a thousand bad lucks still manages to smile, or one who has achieved an excellent working and economic position thanks to her capabilities. It could be a sick woman who exploits the disease to learn more for herself and for other, just think of the wonderful example of Lizzie Velasquez, or even a woman who grows a child alone while still managing to work. I could go on for hours with such examples.
What I would like to emphasize though, it is that there are a lot of ways to define such women: strong, courageous, fearless and so on. So why is the most widely used expression still “woman with balls”? Why do we always have to go back to referring to men? So does simply defining a woman as “strong” not emphasize the idea enough? Does she necessarily have to be strong “like a man”? I don’t know about you, but I really don’t like this.
Also because, at this point, if we say that a woman is “as brave as” then the logical consequence is that a man is by default stronger, both physically and mentally, then a woman. And I like this even less.
I find it absolutely sexist to make similar comparisons, sexist but also foolish. Would it make sense to tell a very sensitive man “there you go, this is a man with a vagina”? No. Because not all men are stronger than women and not all women are more sensitive than men, I don’t know if I’m making this clear enough.
BUT, and this is a bit but, as I wrote at the beginning of the article, today I’m feeling particularly magnanimous and I want to make a clarification.
I I don’t want to be a feminist nazi of the situation, it would be counterproductive primarily for myself and would go against everything I think about feminism, but I want to leave some space and maybe find an excuse for those who use this expression (which, I repeat for the third time, I find it frightening). When someone refers to me as a woman “with balls” I do initially get extremely frustrated for the reasons mentioned above, but then I stop and think about it twice because, at the end of the day, what I have in front of me is a woman who thinks of me as a strong and courageous person and is actually telling me. And this makes me very happy.
Then of course, if I have a certain degree of familiarity with the person in question maybe I even tell them what I think, that I would prefer it if they used a different expression, a random adjective that could be used instead of that specific formula.
So please, seen as that is the concept and we have all understood it, why use expressions that involve a devaluation (often unintentionally, of course) of the woman, when you can use any of a thousand synonyms?
At least let’s try.
