Yes, I am.
And my article could be done, just with a ‘Yes, I do’. And it would even be complete and incisive.
Anyways, I will try to explain myself.
The very first time I went to a Danish University (it was RUC in Roskilde), I remember meeting my classmates along with a lovely lady who got us on a campus tour. We were going to stay in that university for about a month.
-“So! Here you have the kitchen, all the rooms…upstairs you’ll find the washing machines and the nursery”
-“Nursery? Do you really have nurseries at university?”
-“Obviously! So that all the moms who are here studying, can let their children at the nursery while attending their classes”.
Ok.
This sentence surprised me for three reasons, namely: ‘obviously!’, ‘children’ and ‘attending their classes’. And I am about to explain the surprise I felt step by step.
1) OBVIOUSLY!
She said ‘obviously!’ with an astonished tone, like there were no other possibilities.
Like if it was meant to be like that.
Such an astonishment brought me back to reality, and more specifically to my Italian reality (which is similar to other countries’ realities as well; Italy is not the only one country with a consistent lack of human rights), which could be summed up like this: ‘Are you a mother? That’s great! What? Do you also want to study? Wow, that’s amazing! What? Do you want to study and take care of your child? Let me tell you one thing: you are such a great example to follow. Wait, what? You have no money for a baby-sitter, and you have no parents or grandparents to let your child with?! Oh…’
That Danish ‘obviously!’, which you could translate in Italian with ‘Oh…’, it’s just the smallest doll inside of a giant matryoshka where there’s written ‘Alright, Ms X, our firm is extremely interested in your profile. You have great skills and you are surely going to have a successful career. But let me just ask you one thing. How long have you been married?’.
And once this question is over, you, a small matryoshka with all those ‘great skills’, know that you have to make a choice: either work or procreate.
That ‘obviously!’ reminded me that being a mom is seen both as a deficit and as not reconcilable with a working career.
2) CHILDREN
Why having just one child, when you could have more?
I got myself thinking about this plural form while I was going groceries shopping a few days later.
It was raining cats and dogs and, down the street, a beautiful blonde young woman was walking and pushing a stroller. She was pregnant.
I mean, she was pregnant and she was pushing a stroller. A stroller with a baby lying inside it! I really had to double check it, because I could not believe that such a young lady (she must have been maximum 25 years old), was pregnant and already had a baby. I thought she might have a dog inside that stroller. Just let me say it once again, just to emphasize the amazement I felt: she already had a baby and she was pregnant again, with another baby.
She was calm and relaxed, and she had the kind of tranquility only those who know to have e all the rights to study and being a mom have.
Let’s be clear, I am 26 years old and I do not plan on having any child soon. But this is my own and personal choice. What if I wanted to have children?
What happens to all those women who want to study, or work, and have children? It’s their problem. Days, months, even years of politicians talking about how wonderful the traditional family is (and I’ll try not to say a word about how sad it is to call it ‘traditional’), and no one has ever tried to actually do something for helping –every type of- family.
3) ATTENDING THEIR CLASSES
These 3 words may be directly linked to the ‘obviously!’ above.
Let me paraphrase these 3 words. ‘Attending their classes’ means that ‘those students have all the rights to access to a qualified education in order to get ready for a working career that is going to make them independent, meaning they will have enough money to pay all those taxes that will, among other things, subsequently pay the future women who will work at that same nursery. This of course is also going to make it possible for future young ladies to do the same. Oh, and do not forget that an independent woman is a happier woman. And that a happier woman is more likely to raise an happier child!’.
Let’s take a step back.
This is not an advertisement I got paid for writing by the Danish government. I swear it. This is not even a ‘Danmark is perfect’ kind of praise. Every country has its own deficiencies, including Danmark.
What I am trying to say is that we should really think about the consequences this specific lack of rights is bringing to our society.
This lack of rights prevents little girls from trying to realize their future dreams and aspirations.
In fact, if a girl wants to become a surgeon and a mother, she knows she will have to make a choice – thus giving up one of these two possibilities.
Imposing such a choice means taking for granted women cannot do both things at the same time.
It’s like saying that getting pregnant it’s not something to be happy about, but that it’s more of a privilege only those who can afford a baby sitter while can have. Or that a woman it’s not a good mom if she has a working career.
Oh…wait. It’s exactly like that.
